Quit Tomorrow!

Resistance to change in the status quo.
People who don't think about why it's important to them.
Indifference, fear of ambiguity, and the desire to get back into your comfort zone.
Physical, mental and spiritual fatigue.
Worry over damaging relationships.
Uncertainty.
All are conditions which exist everywhere, everyday. The overwhelming situation makes you want to quit trying to do something new and amazing, doesn't it?
Quit tomorrow, then.

 There I was: Day two of U.S. Army Ranger School at Fort Benning, Georgia. I hadn't slept in the past 48 hours. The entire time was filled unrelenting vigorous physical challenge in a program intended to weed out the weak. I was exhausted. I'd cracked two ribs on one of the sections of the obstacle course earlier that day. I hurt.

The first four days of Ranger School is where 60% of dropouts occur. Our class had already lost a large number of strong, determined soldiers who'd prepared for months by sundown on day two.

It had been a hot day and now that the sun had gone down the temperature was dipping into the 40's. We were on Malvesti Field slogging through the red Georgia clay. Malvesti Field is that place you always see on television. You know the scene, bald-headed soldiers crawling with their miserable faces pushed down in the mud beneath  a ceiling of barbed wire. To add to my exhaustion and the ribs, which shot bolts of excruciating pain throughout my body everytime I raised my right arm over my shoulder, I now had what felt like a half-gallon of red Georgia clay underneath my eyelids. I was almost blind and trying to negotiate the challenges Malvesti and the Ranger Instructors (RI's) delivered while I begged my eyes to produce enough tears to wash out the sticky mud.

While I pushed my body, there was a war going on in my head. I was thinking about the fact that it was only day two and I had over two months to go! I thought; with all of these forces lined up against me, if I am feeling this weak and vulnerable on day two, how can I possibly last? A feeling of despair came over me. I had a choice to make, hide my weakness, or tell someone about it in an environment full of the toughest people on the planet.

I decided to take a risk.

"I'm not sure I can make it through this course," I whispered to my Ranger buddy, Arjmandi. He was going through the same things I was. He also knew about my ribs and my eyes. 

"Come on, Eakin. I'm going to help you through this."

"No, I'm telling you. I'm not sure I can get through the next 60 days."

"Eakin, I'll make a deal with you. Get through tonight, with me, and we'll both quit tomorrow."

Getting through the night seemed possible. How much worse could it get? Besides, Arjmandi was going to help me. What if he needed me later on? I couldn't help him if I wasn't there, could I? I committed myself in the moment to that short-term goal. "OK. I'm with you, buddy."

"OK, Eakin, these RI's want to break us if they can. This next time through, let's scream like madmen and show them they can't break us."

"Roger that!"

We screamed like banshees! We laughed the whole way through the suck! We made it through every event that night brought us. For our efforts, we got a few hours of sleep that night.

When we woke up, I looked at Arjmandi.

He was grinning from ear to ear. "You still going to quit tomorrow, Eakin?" 

I smiled back at him. "Yeah buddy, I'm going to quit tomorrow."

• When you're feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of your situation or the challenges you've taken on. Find something productive and meaningful you can focus on and do it.
• Remember, there is someone out there who believes in you and what you're doing. Lean on them when you need them. The love, brotherhood, and trust you create in those relationships will always be the core of your success.
• If you don't take a risk and ask for help, you won't get what you really want. Real strength is not shown in facing your problems alone, it comes from having the courage to let others know you need them. 
• Sometimes you're the weakest, sometimes the strongest. Give what you can, when you can.
• Quit tomorrow. Why? It is always today. Tomorrow never comes.

I haven't talked to Arjmandi since we graduated from Ranger School in February, 1999 (Class 2-98), two months after he gave me this powerful gift. If I knew how to get in touch with him today, here's what I'd say:

"Thank you, Arjmandi, for being worthy of my trust in a time where I was most vulnerable. You taught me a lesson which has served me well and has helped me accomplish more than I ever thought possible. I will always love you like a brother for that. It's been fifteen years, but I still know I can count on you and that, my friend, is priceless. For you, and because of you, I will always quit tomorrow." 

I hope this article finds you some day. When it does, drop me a line. We'll catch up.

If you're tired of feeling overwhelmed by the challenges life throws at you, it's time to pick new challenges. Find people who will support you and show you the way. Download our Success Planning Guide for FREE! This guide is full of tools designed to help you through GPS Theory's process of changing the way you think and is a companion to my new book, Finding Success: Get what you really want. 

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If you're looking for inspiration, take a look at our BoomShare! videos. We wanted to share stories about people who are inspired to do great things so we created this series of interviews. These people want to help people find success. Hear their stories and learn how you can connect with them...and help. 

If you know someone who is doing great things to help others in meaningful ways, we'd appreciate it if you'd make an introduction so we can connect and feature their story in a future BoomShare! episode. You can email your submission to: tom@goboomlife.com

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Tom Eakin

Success Engineer, BoomLife
Author of Finding Success

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In Memorial Of What's Been Lost

In Memorial Of What's Been Lost

Remembering What's Been Lost

Tomorrow is Memorial Day, 2014. I imagine it was not coincidental that I received an email from YouTube on Friday, the eve of a weekend that comes each year in the month of May and culminates in a day meant to remember the people who gave everything for what they believed in, with a recommendation to watch the TED Talks video, "Sebastian Junger: Why Soldiers Miss War." 

Who do we remember? Whose examples do we treasure most? I'm not just talking about soldiers, even though there is a tendency to focus on them during this holiday. I'm talking about the people who had the conviction to live in a way we each wish we could, regardless of whether they served in the military. I'm asking: Who has served mankind in ways that are meaningful to us? Do we even understand what that means?

Sebastian Junger's message is important and I believe he is right in that we need to understand "why soldiers miss war". For them. For ourselves. Please take the next thirteen minutes and eight seconds and listen to him explain it before you read on:

The last few minutes of Junger's talk is focused on love and brotherhood. Military history is full of examples like those discussed in the video, stories about ordinary people doing heroic things in extraordinary situations because they love the people around them more than they love themselves. As a veteran, I appreciate Junger's message here about soldiers, love and brotherhood and trust forged in the crucible of actions taken for the sake of others. As a human being who is no longer a soldier, I crave that feeling more than anything else. Ask any veteran what they miss most and they'll tell you, "The camaraderie of brotherhood." 

What Do We Value Most

Ross McGinniss
Source: http://www.army.mil/
medalofhonor/mcginnis/video/index.html

In my first book, "Finding Success," I share a story I read about in Kelly Kennedy's powerful book, "They Fought For Each Other," to illustrate the concepts I've put together in my GPS Theory model to help people define, for themselves, the reasons why they would do things for other people. The story is about a soldier, named Ross McGinness, who sacrificed his own life so his friends, his brothers, would be able to live. When I tell his story in the book and in my workshops, I ask people to answer this question, "What words would you use to describe him and the life he lived?" I invariably hear words like, loyalty, duty, honor, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage. 

I never knew Ross McGinnis but I believe those words all describe the life he lived. The reason why he was willing to personify all of those words, however, can be summed up into one word: LOVE. The people in these workshops often struggle with understanding how to reconcile the tragic results of McGinniss' actions with the example of values-driven success he really provides. The question they're not asking themselves is: Why do we honor him? 

Regardless of the tragic result, regardless of the amount of time he lived after he decided he was going to save his friends, when it comes down to it, he lived a lifetime of love, brotherhood, and trust. Didn't he? Ross McGinnis received the Congressional Medal of Honor posthumously. He couldn't be there for the ceremony. What does that matter? Do we honor him for the medal, or for how he lived his life in the final moments?

Ross McGinnis didn't get to see the results. The medal, the lives he saved, he did what he did on faith. 

Twelve years after I left the U.S. Army, I'm still searching for relationships like the ones I forged with the people I still identify as my brothers and sisters, today. I've known that sense of belonging and a purposeful desire to do what it takes to be worthy of brotherhood and trust. I've looked for it in the corporate and business world over and over only to find myself still craving it like other soldiers who have known it and lost it do. 

I still find myself feeling as Sebastian Junger puts it, "...just back in society, like the rest of us are, not knowing who they can count on, not knowing who loves them, who they can love, not knowing exactly what anyone they know would do for them if it came down to it" (Note: You can find this quote 2:20 into the video). I couldn't have said it better myself. 

Soldiers don't crave war, that's not Junger's message, they crave love and brotherhood with people they trust. My biggest question: Why can't we create those conditions in all of our relationships? Why do we need wars and extraordinary circumstances to create relationships based on brotherhood and trust? I ask these questions because I don't believe we need them. Yet, my experience, my search, indicates without getting ourselves into such dire circumstances, we have a tendency to not focus on what we want the most.

I believe we all crave the same thing as what Junger describes in this video. We become confused about what it means though. We tend to become driven to serve ourselves instead of each other when our situation threatens our status quo. When I rediscovered this simple truth, it inspired the creation of GPS Theory. I developed the model because I never want to forget what is most important to me, again. I am sharing it with whomever truly wants to be the person they want to be because I believe it can help them to always remember what they value most, do things that will make them satisfied with their efforts, and find life-long success. 

How Do We Satisfy The Craving For What's Been Lost?

The moment we accept that we're all equally susceptible to forgetting those three things is when we recognize we need relationships with people based on love, brotherhood, and trust, only then can we be successful in our personal, professional, and organizational lives. We must remind ourselves. The soldiers Sebastian Jungers talks about understand what they are willing to die for- Love, and all of the values that grow from it and lead back to it. They remember a time when they were willing to live for it. They crave the sense of purpose, belonging. They crave the brotherhood. 

In my own searching for success, I've learned the reasons for my deepest cravings really come down to these questions and answers:

Q: Why do I choose to remember and honor people?

A: They have loved heroically.

Q: Why do I need extraordinary situations to love heroically?

A: Any situation where I love is heroic. Loving is the first step.

Q: How can I feel like I have people in my life I can trust?

A: Showing them love is the first step. I cannot plan beyond that.

Q: Why am I so afraid to love first?

A: I am focused on the results. I want success now. I forget that if I can trust the people around me, they will help me get the things I need. I forget that only if I am the person I want to be can I find relationships that are meaningful to me.

The situations we create and the results we want, but have no control over (we can only influence), tend to twist our logic in ways we can't always perceive. We hold tighter to what we have. Our thoughts focus away from how we can gain more strength through relationships based on what we truly value. Our decisions become driven to achieve external results. We lose sight of how the means keep us from being the person we want to be.

1. We crave love. We can only get it if we give it.
2. We crave brotherhood. We can experience it when we engage in relationships that are meaningful in ways that represent the person we want to be. 
3. We crave trust. We can only earn it if we help others find it in us.

When we forget these three things, we try to fill our cravings with things we can get through methods we find easier and emotionally cheaper to invest, like money and things. We then see external results and perceive we're making the kind of progress we want. 

When we remember these things, we recognize the root of our greatest fears. The key to solving any problem is identifying the root cause. We fear giving love, because we may not find the love, brotherhood, and trust in those we give it to. No reward comes without risk. If we don't keep giving love, we'll never find the people who are willing to give it back. Keep giving. You will find the willing, but only if you take the risk! Be Bold!

Remember Who We Have Lost By Remembering That Which We Valued In Them.

We think we honor people who have shown us the way by remembering them. We do. But, it's not enough. It's not really what they would want us to do is it?  What, do you think, they would want more? To be remembered? Or, for us to understand what they believed in, who they loved, and why they lived for both? Any one of them would say, "I found myself in extraordinary circumstances. I did not control that. In those circumstances I lived for love. I made that choice. It wasn't easy, it hurt me and the people I loved. I would do it again. I believe in love that much!"

I want you to think about these questions and answer them for yourself, whether you're reading this on Memorial Day, or any other day:

Q: Who do you choose to remember and honor?

A: 

Q: Do you know why you would love heroically regardless of the situation?

A:

Q: How can you feel like you have people in your life you can trust?

A:

Q: Am I willing to put love first?

A: 

Q: What words do I want people to use to describe me and the life I've lived?

A: 

Q: Am I spending my time and energy on finding the people who would recognize those words in me and give them back?

A: 

Remember what has been lost. Get it back!

Remember the people who have loved heroically. Honor their memory and their example by knowing why you would do the same. The last question I asked you is the question I asked myself on the day the concept of GPS Theory was born. 

Do things that represent the words in your answer to that final question. When you do:

The things you do will help you satisfy your craving for love, brotherhood, and trust.

You will help other people.

You will love heroically. You will be remembered for that by the people who value it. Can you really ask for more than that? 

Never Forget This: You Get It Back By Bringing It Back.

Tom Eakin

Success Engineer, BoomLife

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A Few Simple Sentences about Life-Long Success

First off, the title of the article caught my eye because I typically wonder what person means when they discuss “Success,” so as I read Brent Beshore’s article, “12 Counter-Intuitive Practices for Long-Term Success,” I recognized many parallels with what we’re working to help people accomplish at BoomLife.  I want to make sure no one misunderstands something about BoomLife from the beginning, we don’t think we have all the answers, we focus on the questions.  After all, if you don’t ask the right questions, you don’t get the right answers, so there is a critical path we need to follow to find real Life-Long Success.

I could tell right away Mr. Beshore is genuine as he cut straight to the core with every sentence in the first paragraph.  I feel his first paragraph so succinctly communicates the human condition I’m compelled to place each sentence in its own bullet point so the reader can take the time to consider them separately.  I quote:

·         “Life is a complex combination of interactions, events, and relationships.”

·         “We all chase “success,” but we struggle to define it.”

·         “We all want true happiness, but we usually settle for the appearance of it.”

·         “We all seek meaning, but we often succumb to doubt.”

 I read on.  I encourage you to as well.  As you go through the 12 points of the article, think about these questions:

1.       When you’re receiving criticism, do you ask yourself, “What is this person saying, beyond any inappropriate reason and logic or emotional baggage attached to it, that is true about me?”  Or, are you ignoring the gift that is hidden in message because it’s wrapped up in such an unattractive package? 

I, personally, have troubles with this one…I tend to focus on the package in the moment and don’t get to the introspection being asked of me until later on, after I’ve refused the gift.  Don’t be like me.  I’m trying to get better.

2.       What value do you give away to the people in your world? 

3.       Are you a true subject matter expert in your field?  Or, do you hide behind on the expert power others have attributed you, based on your credentials, financial status or job title?   

Here’s the magic formula for real, genuine specialists: Be. Know. Do.  Do you?  What do you know? Are you?

4.       Are you grateful for the value others create for you through their gifts?

5.       Do you have the humility to recognize you don’t control the results?  If you don’t get what you want, do you react by blaming or making excuses?  Or, do you decide to do what it takes to try again?

6.       Do your decisions, actions and behaviors drive toward one simple Life-Long mission?  Do your efforts focus on it?

7.       Do other people really know who you are?  Or, do you communicate in a manner to make sure no one can pin you down so nothing will ever stick to you? 

I’m often amazed at the way people look at me when I tell them truths about some of my biggest failures.  I was just talking with someone today and I watched his eyebrows as I explained how I’ve burned more than a few relationships because I didn’t recognize that although I was genuinely trying to help those people but they didn’t want it and what I was really doing was trying to pull them outside of their comfort zones.  For about a minute, I couldn’t tell if he’d lost his forehead.

8.       Do you value yourself?  Do you know what you’re willing to die for?  Are you willing to live for it?  Do you find inspiration in what you feel when you do?

9.       Do you think you always need to be able to give the answers because admitting you don’t know is a sign of weakness?  Or, do you recognize that trusting others, that the vulnerability of allowing someone else to help you develops the real strength in the relationships with the people in your World?

Leon Hayduchok, the author of Dying to Control- The 21st Century Dilemma, summarized his powerful message like this, "When it comes to personal relationships, there is no greater way to express your commitment or to display your trustworthiness than to devote your life to the people you love."

10.   Have you stopped seeking to learn?  Or, do you recognize that everything you need to know about continuous improvement was given to you in 8^th grade science when you learned how to apply to Scientific Method to challenge every assumption and let the data, the facts you actively sought, help you increase your incomplete understanding?

11.   Do you stay nestled deep inside your comfort zone, surrounded by what and whom you know?  Or, do you seek to expose yourself to “new people, ideas and experiences?”

Remember, this is a sticking point for us at BoomLife, our mission is “To help other people achieve Life-Long Success.”  Don’t come to us if you want everyone or everything else in your life to change, we’ll ruin the relationship by telling you you can’t have it.  What do you want?

12.   Does uncertainly paralyze you from breaking through the barriers you imagine?  Or, do you analyze the situation, assess the risks, take the chance and accept the consequences? 

Finally, I'll attempt to summarize with a few sentences intended to be as powerful as Mr. Beshore's:

• Try.  
• Fail. 
• Be. 
• Know. 
• Do. Think. 
• Seek. 
• Communicate. 
• Thank. 
• Accept facts. 
• Value Yourself.  
• Inspire Yourself. 

Find Life-Long Success by BEING the person you WANT to be!  BOOM!