Showing posts with label emotion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotion. Show all posts

Friday, October 4, 2013

Three Questions to Help You Identify Real Core Values

Three Questions to Help You Identify Real Core Values

There is a tendency to confuse Core Values with Emotions and States of Being. In order to live an Inspired life, you need to be able to recognize the difference between being Inspired by your Core Values and being Motivated by Rewards or Coerced into Avoiding Punishments. The key is to make Inspired decisions that lead to Inspired actions and behaviors.

Identifying and defining your Core Values so you can understand why you are Inspired to do things is the critical first step so I wanted to share some insights on how to identify and define Core Values. 

Perhaps the simplest way to identify your Core Values is to answer this simple but powerful question: 
What words do I want other people to use to describe me and the life I've lived? I like to call the answers to this question the "What words...?" list.

Here are some examples and things to look for to help you identify real Core Values versus Emotions or States of Being:

Core Value- Example: Charity- You can take definitive actions that are charitable. This is an example of a Core Value.

Emotion- Example: Happiness- You can do things that contribute to your happiness, but you cannot do "happy". You have a higher probability of feeling happy if your decisions and actions are in alignment with your Core Values.
Source: https://goboomlife.com//why.html
State of Being- Example: Extraordinary- This is a relative and subjective term. There are no definitive actions you can do to "be" extraordinary in other peoples eyes. Some may think the things you do are extraordinary, other may think you're just doing normal things. You have no control over a state of being beyond your own actions.
Source: http://sjafi.wordpress.com/2011/05/03/crowd-sourcing/

Three Questions


As you develop your "What words...?" list, ask yourself these three questions about the words you're selecting as your Core Values to make sure they will truly Inspire you:
  1. Are there definitive actions I can take which would meet the criteria for fulfilling the definition of this word? If yes, add it to your "What words...?" list.
  2. Does this word reflect a feeling or emotion? If yes, do not add it, but keep in mind you have a higher probability of getting people to use it to describe you if your actions are in alignment with your real Core Values.
  3. Is there a universally recognized and direct relationship between this word and an action which, after you take it, someone would say, "Wow! What you just did was _______(your word)"  If so, it's a keeper. 
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Contact BoomLife's Success Engineer, Tom Eakin, to engineer your path to personal and/or organizational success: 
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Saturday, September 14, 2013

Three Simple Words = The Path to Success

Three Simple Words = The Path to Life-Long Success

Something is not quite right...

Be. Know. Do. I am not the one who identified those three simple words to describe the character and competencies of an effective and genuine leader. It was someone else. I learned them from FM-22-100 (now, FM-6-22) the U.S. Army Leadership Manual years ago and these words were "at the heart" of my training and experiences. I've never forgotten them. They've helped countless people achieve success in many ways. 

I recalled "Be. Know. Do.," the other day during a conversation with a woman who was asking for my coaching services. I've invoked them many times to help people understand how to be successful in situations where the changes they need to make seem confusing and overwhelming. This time, an interesting thing happened, I recognized after all these years there's one critical problem with these three words.  Can you see it?


"Be" Success

Try it. "Be" success. It's a simple instruction, what are you waiting for?

You can't do it with the instruction provided, can you?

My client told me, "Happiness is the top value in my life but I am miserable most of the time...I want the rest of my life to have some good value...I have no idea as to how to do that right now..." Her problem was obvious. She has been living her life following the Be-Know-Do model as her path to Life-Long Success. She wants Life-Long Success and happiness is of major importance to her. It's achievable, but not the way she's been trying to get it.

Here's the problem: You can't "Be" success (happy) if you don't "Do" things that will lead to your success (happiness).


"Know" Success

Try this one. "Know" success. I suggest this instruction is easier to answer. You may not "Know" yet exactly what success (happiness) looks like, but I guarantee you "Know" whether, or not, you're feeling it at this very moment.

If you don't yet "Know" what success looks like, especially Life-Long Success, then your first step is cut out for you.  Figure it out. Focus. Take your time. Don't rush it.  My understanding of it has taken over twenty years to develop and I'd be a fool to claim I have it nailed yet. Just keep working at it, getting ever closer. Think!

"Do" Success

Try it. "Do" success. This instruction is just as simple as the last one, isn't it?  My first response to my client was, "You can't "Do" happiness."  Go ahead and try.  "Do" things that make you happy. Can you "Do" it?

It's possible.  It might just work for you...if you're lucky.  If you hope for it, there's a chance it will work. 

The point is, you can't "Do" things that will lead to success (happiness) if you don't "Know" what success (happiness) looks like. 

Success is getting what you want.


Life-Long Success is getting what you want AND being the person you want to be.

Why Be-Know-Do Doesn't work

As I said earlier, the three words themselves are the key components to the path to success through genuine self-leadership. The problem with Be-Know-Do as a model for anyone to follow is: the probability of success is only influenced by chance. Why? The words are not quite in the right order and it makes a world of difference.

Let me illustrate with a logical test.



Assumptions:

"Be" = The emotion(s) you feel.
"Know" =  The inputs (facts, beliefs) to the reason and logic behind the decisions you make.
"Do" = The actions you take.
"Value" = The intrinsic and/or extrinsic worth you place on any single person, place, thing, or emotion; or any combination of those conditions present in a given situation.

Now, let's test those assumptions for the Be-Know-Do Model (Warning: Thinking is required if you wish to proceed):

The emotions (Be) you seek lead to the knowledge required to logically decide what creates value (Know) for you which leads to taking actions (Do) that will create value.  
OR
Feeling (Be) successful leads to knowledge required to logically decide of what it takes to be successful (Know) which leads to doing what it takes (Do) to be successful.
OR
Feeling (Be) happy leads to knowledge required to logically decide what it takes to be happy (Know) which leads to doing what it takes to be happy (Do).

Is there an acceptable level of probability you can you get what you want and be the person you want to be with the logic provided in those three statements ? 

Photo Source: http://www.srh.noaa.gov/images/
bmx/significant_events/2000/02_13/tree_on_car.jpg
If you answered, "Yes," you can stop reading here if you'd like. I've recognized the folly of trying to help people who don't recognize the need for continuous improvement. But, just the same, put my phone number, 1-888- 743-6838, in your contacts list so you can call me when you recognize you've made yourself, and probably some of the people in your World, "miserable most of the time." The choice is yours. I urge you to read on though. I'd prefer to help you now before the seeds of hubris completely germinate and grow into some big tree that falls down on the people and things around you because it didn't grow deep enough roots.



If you answered, "No," we're on the same page, so far.

When you follow the Be-Know-Do model, because your focus is on "being" or maintaining a particular emotion, you have a tendency to do things mainly because you think it will feel good. 
You skip right over understanding, or knowing, what it really takes to feel good about yourself. Without self-satisfaction, there is no real satisfaction in anything else. Keep looking for satisfaction externally and your internal craving will grow and grow. You will eventually feel miserable and your craving for success becomes stronger and more powerful, driving you to do more things you think will make you feel good. But, you probably won't.







Here's what my client had to say about this, "Thanks for what you said about not being able to "do" happy. What you said makes sense and helped me see that maybe I am unclear about just what "values" are."

Do you know what "values" are?  Do you know what your Core Values are?

Know. Do. Be.

Now, let's test the Know-Do-Be model. Same words, different order. Same assumptions as before, we just change the logical path.

The Know-Do-Be Model test:

The knowledge required to logically decide what creates value (Know) leads to doing what it takes to create value (Do) which leads to the emotions you seek (Be).
OR
The knowledge required to logically decide what creates success (Know) leads to doing what it takes to be successful (Do) which leads to feeling successful (Be).
OR
The knowledge required to logically decide what makes you happy (Know) leads to doing what it takes to be happy (Do) which leads to feeling happy (Be).

Are these statements realistic? Is there an acceptable level of probability you can you get what you want and be the person you want to be with the logic provided in those three statements? 


Hope by Ryan Russell Design
Photo Source: http://socal.reliefposters.com/rp/2008/01/02/hope-2/
If you start with "Know" the odds get significantly better.  Once you think you "Know" what to do, if you "Do" (try) and keep evaluating and refining what you "Know" and "Do" your odds increase significantly over time.

Some people just get it. They "Know" right away, so they "Do" the right things.  Some people are just lucky. It's really hard not to get frustrated and think "I can't do it," if you don't fit into one of those two categories and compare yourself with people who do.  Stop measuring yourself against them.  Measure yourself against the person you want to be.




Know-Do-Be = GPS Theory = The Path to Life-Long Success:




 "I want the rest of my life to have...value. I want to help other women who have struggled as I have."

She will need to do the work. I will help her. I started BoomLife with one simple but audacious mission: Helping people achieve Life-Long Success! I'm the Success Engineer.

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What do you want? What are you willing to LIVE for?

I
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Getting what you want and being the person you want to be can seem complicated and confusing! Together, we'll define what you want, what it takes to get it and help you realize the kind of success you never been able to achieve before! Sign up for personal one-on-one coaching. You can sign up for a program or a single-session. It's up to you!:


  



Thursday, September 5, 2013

Four Tips for Identifying YOUR Core Values

Four Tips for Identifying YOUR Core Values

I'm writing a book titled, "What Do You Want?," right now. There is a section in the book where I ask the question, "What are you willing to die for? Are you willing to live for it?"  The first time I considered these two questions together it hit me that most people do not really understand what is truly important to them.  I can say with absolute certainty that up to the point of the birth of GPS Theory, I really didn't know how to find the answers to those questions either.  Oh sure, there were areas of my life that I had a grip on, but when it came to getting past the obstacles between my current "place" in life and my Life-Long Success destination, I didn't even realize what the real obstacles were. It turned out I had left some of the answers up to the people in my world, I had abdicated some of the responsibility of determining the person I was going to be to others, their perceptions and their opinions. Their expectations of what I should do and what I'm capable of accomplishing somehow had bled into my expectations. I didn't even see it at the time. I can't blame anyone but myself for it.

How are you allowing the people in your world to influence your own path to Life-Long Success?



My last article covered the critical insights you need if you want to achieve Life-Long Success. I wouldn't be the Success Engineer if I didn't keep breaking down the concept of success and what it takes to get it, now would I? Those insights are critical, you need to believe them if you want to chase your dreams with conviction, but they don't help you figure out who you want to be, and figuring that out has to be the first step!

These tips will help you identify and define the words you would want other people to use to describe you and the life you've lived:


TIP #1- Identify what you like to do more than anything else in the world. 

What makes you most happy while you're doing it or just after you've finished it? What word would you use to describe the source of that feeling? Here's an activity, fill in the blanks:


I feel ______________(feeling/emotion) when I  _____________ (favorite thing) because in that moment I am a/an ______________ person (the Core Value you fulfill).

Start a list. Write that last word down.

TIP #2- Repeat Tip #1 thinking about your second most favorite thing to do.


I feel ______________(feeling/emotion) when I  _____________ (favorite thing) because in that moment I am a/an ______________ person (the Core Value you fulfill).

Add that last word to your list.

TIP #3- Do it again and again until you think your list is complete! 

Feels good doesn't it? Now you're thinking! You're feeling like you're on to something BIG, you can begin to picture yourself experiencing those feelings all the time.  The good news is, it's entirely possible!

I feel ______________(feeling/emotion) when I  _____________ (favorite thing) because in that moment I am a/an ______________ person (the Core Value you fulfill).


Keeping writing the third word in that sentence down as you complete it!  When I first started writing down my answers to the question, "What words do you want other people to use to describe you and the life you've lived?," or, what I call the "What words...?" question, before I knew it I had written down 64 words. I quickly realized that was way too many "criteria for success" to keep track of. So, I just figured out how to use most of the words to define a few key words, Core Value words (see graphic, below).  This way, I didn't lose any resolution with regard to the ideal-self I envisioned and I was able to pare my "What words...?" list down to eight Core Values ...a more manageable number of success criteria.



TIP #4- Start! Begin! Change your thinking! Get going!

Don't worry or wait if your list of Core Values is not perfect.  Waiting for perfect conditions to begin will only waste more of your precious time (See Critical Insight #3)! It's OK to keep refining your Core Values.  As you focus on your Core Values, you'll find yourself making more decisions that align with them.  You'll also start to gain a different, more refined understanding of some of the words on your "What words...?" list.  Don't be afraid to change a word or two as time goes by.  It doesn't mean you were lying, or wrong, it means you were learning! Life-Long Success requires a life-long journey.  My current eight Core Values were twelve up until about a week ago. I hope to keep making the list smaller as time goes by through continuous improvement efforts at understanding and implementing. Why? I want to keep things as simple as humanly possible.


The journey to Life-Long Success isn't about just doing what feels good.  It's about feeling good because you know the things you're doing are good. It's feeling good about what you're doing.  It's about believing in what you're doing.  This is how we find the conviction to live the lives we want, my friends!                    



A person who looks at these tips at the surface level may respond sarcastically, "Yeah, Tom, great tips, a kid could have come up with those!" The point of the exercise is to THINK!  And, why shouldn't we listen to kids, or take a kid's approach, when it comes to understanding the possibility of being happy? It seems to me we've forgotten how to think like we did when we were kids- when we were happy and the world of possibilities wasn't influenced by the fears of failure we learn from our culture & society. Think for yourself! What do you want?


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Use these Tips to prepare before you use GPS Theory 

If you're planning to interact with BoomLife's GPS Theory application on our website (www.goboomlife.com), I strongly urge you to follow the first three tips from this article first.  Don't even create an account until you've done this! You'll find the experience so much more meaningful when you get the feedback you really seek from the people in your world!  Why? Because you owe it to yourself to put forth real and deliberate effort into identifying your Core Values, the criteria for your Life-Long Success you actually care about! You can interact with GPS Theory on a superficial level if you want to, but just like with any other process: Garbage In = Garbage Out.

Our Newsletter can keep you informed on the status of the GPS Theory web-app, new articles, workshops, events, etc. SIGN UP HERE


GET WHAT YOU WANT! 
Getting what you want and being the person you want to be can seem complicated and confusing! Together, we'll define what you want, what it takes to get it and help you realize the kind of success you never been able to achieve before! Sign up for personal one-on-one coaching. You can sign up for a program or a single-session. It's up to you!: